Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
