Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize