Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
