Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Randomize
