Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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