So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
