Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
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