No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
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Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
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Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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