I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
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