So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
