Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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