The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
