Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
We are two peas in an std pod
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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