I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
