if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
he laminated a picture of his dick.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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