she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I currently don't understand fingers.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
