There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
