We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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