just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
