Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
