He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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