When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what day is it and did you see me today?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize