The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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