maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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