In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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