Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
