How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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