Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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