Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
