you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
