Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
