please come you make the beer taste better
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
