you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Randomize
