you're like a bully in the Christmas story
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
