New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Randomize
