I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
