My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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