apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Dear god my vagina.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
