Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
