The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
