Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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