I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
