Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
