is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
