An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
