I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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