We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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