it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
