I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
