quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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