hotel room ftw
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Dick very happy bro
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
