dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
