did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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