What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
