You don't have asthma, your pregnant
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
