I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
either way he was missing a nipple.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
