I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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