You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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