I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
one two three fourrrrnication!
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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