smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I wish i was in the wii world.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
two words: eviction party
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
