I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I'm both gender and math confused
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
