what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
