I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Randomize
